Monday, October 25, 2010

Challenges in life only make us stronger... right?!

I would like to start by saying this: I am blessed.  Oh I've had hardships and trials and disappointments and heartbreaks - but I'm SO incredibly blessed.  I have an amazing husband who loves me and takes great care of me, he works so hard to support our small family of two. I have wonderful friends, awesome family who are angels on earth, and God has blessed us with so much in our life.  We haven't always used what He gave us to the best though and have found ourselves in debt. A majority of this debt is from when my husband found himself suddenly out of work when the company he'd worked with for the past 7 years went out of business.  He decided to start his own business doing what he loved and using the resources available to him from the business that was closing - I give him major kuddos for building a successful business with no time to plan! Almost six years later he still has this business and works so hard to make it successful.  The economy has really made him work even harder and it's so frustrating to see these hardships make him feel like he isn't as great a provider. 

Over the last 19 months we have struggled to get back on track after losing Mom and add that stinky economy and it's hurt us.  We find ourselves in a position we NEVER thought we would be in... we found out a few days ago that our house is being foreclosed on.  We were shocked and scared and strangely calm.... see we know we're blessed. We know God has provided so much for us. He provided us with a neighbor who was willing to loan us the money to get us out of foreclosure.  No questions asked, she asked how much and wrote us a check.  I was... so incredibly humbled by not just her generosity but how God takes care of us.

When we moved into this house 4 years ago it was after we searched high and low for months in a different area and found nothing.  So we resigned ourselves to having to move to a different area.  Our 'backup' area, where we found the house for us within a week of looking. Amazing how when we stop trying to follow the path we want, things fall into place!  We put in an offer, negotiated, and moved in a month later.  I immediatly hit it off with T and D our new neighbors, they had sons our age and she pretty much adopted us as her own.  She always wanted a daughter so she took me as hers and my Mom was willing to share! lol I took her as second momma and I know when we someday have children she will spoil them rotten (she wants a grandaughter lol) and if we ever move T will be moving with us.  We will have a mother-in-law suite or guest house so we can take care of her. It's something that just sits right with my heart and I know it's the right thing to do.  Plus I love that crazy lady.  Life wouldn't be the same without her in it.  hehe  That God put us in a place where we could take care of her when her devoted husband passed away suddenly blows me away.  When I look back and can 'see' His hand in our life... how He directed us and put us where He knew we needed to be.... how amazing is that!? That he gave us someone who would help us save our home without a second thought because she loves us.  It really helps me understand the love He has for us, how it just IS... no conditions, no shame for our mistakes - He loves us, forgives us, and is there for us.  All we have to do is ask.  Unconditional love at it's most pure.  Wow.

I know most people may be ashamed of being in our postion but I look at as a learning experience and I know we are willing to work out behinds off to pay her back and get out of the red!  I've always been someone willing to admit my flaws, shortcomings, and mistakes.  I'm human! No shocker there right? Everyone struggles, everyone stumbles, everyone has a past,  everyone has regrets right? Well maybe, but if you learn from your mistakes should you regret them? If someone else sees what you did and it saves them that pain, humiliation, fear, etc. then isn't it worth it? I try to not regret the past because truth be told I can't change it, but I can do better in the future.  It makes me stronger, it gives me knowledge to help someone else who is going thru the same thing, it gives me compassion, it helps me learn patience, and it helps me to not be so judgemental of other people's situations. I thank God for putting us thru this challenge. I think everyone needs to be humbled from time to time.  Guess it was our turn. :)

Monday, September 20, 2010

So here goes... something I hope!

Well, hello everyone... someone? I have toyed around with the idea, in my head, about starting a blog for quite a while now.  I kept going back to - but why would someone want to know about me?! Sad really, to think that way of yourself, but it really is what kept going thru my head.  I have decided though if I don't think I'm worth you caring about then what kind of life am I living? How boring and wasteful is it of me to spend my life passing the time doing nothing of much importance!? Well, not nothing of importance but far too sporadic in between to feel like it matters much.

My hubs and I have spent the last few years trying to get pregnant and well I think somewhere along the way I hit pause because "I may get pregnant anytime now and I don't want to be in the middle of something!" - um yeah what a load of rubbish! Since when did pregnancy and kids mean that your life stops? And when in the world did I decide that is what motherhood was? Washing, cleaning, taking care of a little ball of cute little itsy bitsy... oh sorry lost myself there for a moment! Um back to what I was saying! When did I stop living my life because I MAY get pregnant... I think it was around the time of my last miscarriage almost 2 years ago.  It was my second, our first... I'll share that story perhaps another time along with many others! Sorry - squirrel - darling squirrels, as my friend K calls them! So distracting those sweet rodents! Back to what I was saying... well typing! I had a miscarriage in June 2008 and I think I was lost for a bit after that and then in March 2009 my mother died very suddenly... And I thought losing a baby I barely knew but already loved was tough. 

For weeks, months even, I didn't know what to do with myself.  I kept putting one foot in front of the other but I was lost like I didn't know was possible.  My best friend, my mother, the one who gave me life and was going to be there to spoil my children rotten, who I could call and talk to about what my dog did or how boring my week was and she thought it was so fascinating.... was gone. *snap* Just like that. Since then I have been STUCK in this rut and so has my sweet B. This rollercoaster rut where we are barely keeping our heads above water financially with our business and just are trying to survive...  I'm tired of just surviving.  There is more to life then getting to the next day. We both know it, now it's time to living it! I want to live! I want to take pictures of my MOMENTS! Of my MEMORIES! Of my LIFE! And I don't want to pick myself apart in those pictures because I've gained weight or my hair is thinner than it used to be.... I want to change. I AM going to change things if I don't like them.  And I hope people.. someone! will come along for the ride because I can't believe God has given me the life he has to just shove it in a box I bury in the backyard. I believe it's to use it to help others.  Let them know they aren't alone in this crazy world... that I'm not alone in LaLa Land!  So as I take on knitting (I've been at it for 36 hrs now and have a very cute little 4 inch square!), getting healthy (I've only been saying that for a year, or four...), getting my story out there for everyone to know and learn from and recognize in their own lives.... as I learn to live again please join me. Make me accountable for what I say I'm going to do... I'll be honest! You do the same! Thanks for visiting me in LaLa Land.... I am really starting to like it here!